Hello Shov,

I need your help. I weigh 432 pounds adn I can't move. All I do all day is watch TV and eat...cheese poofs are my fav..I am eating them right now.. YUM! I smell bad b/c I sweat so much and I am soo fat and I definately can't get a man .. me and my dog are VERY friendly <3 YES!... Well can you please help? what can I do to become slimmer? Thanks please write back asap..

-Blubber in Bermuda

Dear Blubber in Bermuda-

I think you have a SERIOUS problem on your hands. For your emense weight I suggest getting up off your butt every once and a while. Since you have difficulties moving, try walking around your house to begin. Then you could progress to down your driveway, or on your street in the future. Also, try to cut down on the amount of food that you eat. Try eating some fruits and vegetables. They will help you lose weight, and taste great too! If all this doesn't work, you can always get lyposuction. As for your dog, that is just wrong. Try finding a romantic relationship w/ a tree. OR MAYBE A GUY! That part is just out of my hands- go to my good friend doctor laura for advice in that matter. Thanks and come again!!

Hi, I have a severe eating problem, and everyone calls me Chubbs. What can I do to become skinny as a rail?

-Matt

Hi Matt. I'm sorry to hear that your weight gave you a nickname. It is good that you have distinguished your problem, and faced up to the facts. But sorry to burst your bubble- if you are a whale now, it's kinda hard to become as skinny as a rail. For advice though, I suggest going on a diet. Try eating healthy foods, or see your doctor for help. Diet pills may also be effective, and exercise always does the body good. Don't listen to the people who call you a whale, because they are probably just calling you names because they have low self esteem. I have learned well in health class. It's what inside that counts! Good luck in your weight loss program! Please come again.

-Shov the health helper

Shov,

I dont enojoy you mocking and poking fun at my problems of my weight. I am really fat and I can't afford any other help.. This is a seriuos cry for help. please tell me what to do without mocking me and help me about my dog.. it is getting too dirty for me@! help!

-Blubber in Bermuda

Dearest Dirty Dog Humper-

I was not poking fun at your problems. It is a serious problem to be overweight- one out of four Americans suffer from it as I once learned on a commercial. So don't worry, you are not alone. Like I said before, I would try cutting down on the amount of food you eat. Also, try getting some exercise. This should help you. Maybe you can join a group that supports fat people, so you can get encouragement from other fat peers. I am looking forward to hearing how your journey in becoming thinner works out! As for you and your dog, try getting out more often. Then your dog won't become as much as a temptation. Or try to meet some other people. Dogs and people just don't mix, it is as simple as that. (Also you might have some mighty deformed children.) Thank you!

-Shov the health helper-

Hi, I have a definite problem. I need to gain a lot of weight! I do eat, but for some reason I don't gain anything! I look like a toothpick literally. I want to eat some foods to plump me out a tiny bit without being unhealthy for me! What diet can I choose to help this problem? Thank you!

-Weighty in Wisconsin

Weighty in Wisconsin-

I'm sorry to hear that you look like a toothpick, but just think- it's better than being hefty! Some foods that I can recomend for you to eat would be some meat, or foods with high fat content, but have a lot of other good things in it also. Meat is very healthy for you, but it is high in fat. That might help you gain some weight. Try a red meat, which tends to have more fat in it than chicken for example. Also, instead of eating a low fat vegetable, try fried potatoes or something with grease in it. I hope this helps on your quest to bulk up! Thanks for writing!

-Shov the Health Helper-

shov, i cant go to dr. laura b.c i wrote to her once and she never wrote back to me so could u help me ... its kinda health.. i luv to hump trees and roadkill.. is it healthy?? wb asap.. remmeber irs a serious problem !!!

-humpy

Hello Humpy. Or should I call you humpfrey? I am sorry to hear about your rather GROSS habit of humping foreign objects. And no, it is not healthy. I'm sure humping trees and road kill could NOT be good for your health. Instead of spending your free time humping these objects, try making some friends with the same interests as you. (no, i do not mean humping trees). You could join a club, or a sports team. This could help you take your mind off your strange habit. Don't worry though, I'm sure you are not alone. If my suggestions don't work for you, go to Almighty Vital and she could tell your fortune for you. Thanks and I hope my help can assist you!

-Shov the Heath Helper-

Hey! I need some health advice... I always ate kind of a lot, but it never caught up to me, until now. All of a sudden, what I ate appeared as fat everywhere! I don't know why this happened so suddenly-or maybe it was a long term effect. Well, at any rate, my feet are the fattest part of my body now! Why would that be?! They are very large, and my toes are quickly becoming rather massive...is there a reason most of the fat when straight to my feet? The buldging now is only on my neck, cheeks, hands/fingers, and feet/toes. My arms, legs, and stomach are quite fine, a little heavier, but none the less ok. So, what should I be eating? I don;t know myself!

-Tubby in Toronto

Tubby in Toranto-

TRY NOT EATING AS MUCH!! If it looks like you are gaining weight, cut down on your food. I"m sorry to hear that your feet are so massive, and the rest of your body for that matter. As for what to eat, try fruits and veggies. Some no- nos are fatty candy, chips, fries, etc etc. Eat what you think you should! Your inner self should know what is bad and good. I hope your fattness goes away and good luck! p.s.- the reason your feet are fat is because all the fat sinks down to the lowest part of your body. Your cheeks are fat because you store food in there like a chipmunk. Thanks for calling!

-Shov the Health Helper-

Dear Shov,

I have a serious problem, whenever I have to do a party I am embarrased because I eat sooooooo much. Like when the cake is served something posseses me to take five slices. Then I run in a corner and shove it all in my mouth. After that Ihonk my noes adn all the little kids look at me like I'm a Pshyco or something. I know this is not heathly but tell me what I can do to stop these cravings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Jo Jo the Clown

- Dear Jo Jo-

That sounds crazy the way you eat so much. I think your problem is that you go to birthday parties too much. The cake always temps everyone at parties, so you are not alone. I have the perfect advice for you- try to switch your profession from a clown to a teacher or something. That way you won't have the temptation of the extra food, and you will probably make more money also! Try not to honk your nose too much. Thank you!

-Shov the Health Helper-

Hi, I am from Ontario and I am a vegetarian. I eat all sorts of stuff from vege burgers to my homemade vege smoothie (write if you would like the delicious recipe). But, I was wondering if there is any sort of protein or vitamin I am missing in meat that is essential for my health. Is there? If so, what should I take to get that lost nutrient back into my system? I think I am very healthy, my weight is just below average, I walk and run daily, I am involved in sports, and I have no bad medical history! So, I was wondering if there are any essential things I need from meat.

-Yvonne

Yvonne-

There is nothing wrong with your style of eating! Being a vegetarian isn't necessarily bad, and your diet as a vegetarian is rather healthy. I think by drinking those DELICIOUS vege shakes and burgers you should be able to gain enough nutrients for your body. Meat has a few nutrients in it that vegetables doesn't, such as B5, A, and Multi, but by eating soy products you can get these nutrients. So you can still be a vegetarian without worries!! Thanks for calling! Oh yes, by the way, I WOULD like the recipe for the shake! Thanks!

Hey there! I am very tramatized at the moment! I was in summer school yesterday and I was eating a Twinkie. I tried to fit in the bathroom stall door and I got stuck! I didnt make it through! Even though it was the elementary school bathrooms (which are smaller as you might have guessed) it was very embarassing to have my friends see that happeneing to me since they have warned me that I have been dangerously overweight! Does Slim Fast really work as well as they say or does going to a weight loss center to more good? My mom has put me on a very strict diet with mostly fruits and veges and I must follow the food pyramid daily. I do not understand hoe a food pyramid helps because it requires you to eat a lot of every food! PLease explain it to me! Thank you.

-Squeezing in Sacramento

Dear Squeezing in Sacramento-

I"m sorry to hear that you got stuck in the bathroom stall. That does sound quite embarrasing, being stuck in a stall and all. But don't worry, everyone has these moments in their life. About the weight loss program- i'm not so sure that slim fast is the key. It isn't all that healthy, and commercials often lie. Your mother is very wise by having you eat fruits and vegetables, for they are very healthy. As for the food pyramid, you don't have to eat EVERYTHING on it. You can cut down the portioins, and not eat as much of the bad stuff. Like cut down on meats which can be bad for you and eat more rice and vegetables. I hope this diet works for you! Come again!!

-Shov the Health Helper-

Oh Healthy One!! I am in loooove with health food! My friends think I am so gross because I always ask what the nutritianal facts are in EVERYTHING and they get mad because it ruins their fun by knowing how bad the food they are eating is for them! What can I do?!?!

-Health Freak

Dear Health Freak-

You must really be a freak! You call yourself one, and so do your friends. This means that you must be one! So I have some good advice for you- please follow it. That's great if you are very health-conscience, but don't share it with your junk food adicted friends. I know these facts are very interesting to you, but they REALLY don't want to know. To keep your friends, don't share annoying facts w/ them. If you think something is unnutritious, then don't eat it. Just don't ask them. Thanks for coming!

Hi !!

I just sent you a mail about 1 month ago. Well i only weigh 110 pounds now thanks to you.. I am as skinny as a rail and really talented in singing. I am starring in a movie this comign fall which I wont reveal yet and I am touring wtih N' Sync!! Thanks soo much Shov!! I love you, you really changed my life. And yes my cat is coming wtih me <3. I'll get you autographs of N' Sync while I am with them. Thanks again <3

-Blubber in Bermuda

Dear my great pal Blubber in Bermuda-

I'm sooo happy to hear about your great progress!! I'm really proud of you! YOU'RE A PONY- YOU'RE A PONY!! I'm glad to hear about your success, in touring w/ *nsync and being in a movie! I have a question for you- do you think you could get my friend backstage passes? Thanks!!! I'm glad to hear about the relationship between you and your cat! Just try not to squish it, you know what I mean. Thanks for calling!!

-Shov the Health Helper-

Hola. I was wondering why corn always gets stuck in my friends teeth. The other day at dinner, she announced that it happened AGAIN! How does she manage it? I never get it-is there some kind of tooth construction that is different? By the way-is there anything unhealthy about eating a chicken vein?

-Serendipity

Serendipity- Hola to you also. The reason corn gets stuck in your friends teeth is because they are trying to be as cool as you, since you are always rude at the dinner table!! They wanted to feel part of your family by being rude hahahah. As for the chicken vein, YES IT IS UNHEALTHY!! Are you a moron or something? If anything is discolored in your chicken, don't eat it!! Thanks come again!

-Shov the Health Helper-

Hi, I like to eat flowers and grass. I wash them first, of course, but is there anything wrong with that? I didn't think so because rabbits eat that too and we eat what they do too like carrots and lettuce..so how healthy is that for me? I lovvve daisys!

-Petunia

Hello Petunia! That is a RATHER strange habit of eating things that grow in your yard, I must say. But don't worry, I know exactly your problem. My good friend blubber in Bermuda met up w/ a rabbit, and you were born. So you took on the characteristics of your father, a rabbit, instead of your human mother. So it's perfectly normal to eat carrots and letuce!! CHOW DOWN!!!! Come again!

-Shov the Health Helper-

HI! It's me again. I just want to tell you i am down to 431 1/4 lbs. I got out of my chair today and I feel dipping chips into salsa is good excercise too. I walked out to my driveway and found a cat.. and you geussed it!! You told me to get out more and I did! Let's just say my rabbit Freckles has visited FOXY MY CAT VERY OFTEN <3.. well I just wanted to update you.. anymore advice?

-Blubber in Bermuda

Dear Blubber in Bermuda- (AGAIN) I thought your weight was down to 110 pds?? Well, don't fret, you can loose the weight again with the techniques I gave you previously. Ok you and your cat-- that's kinda dirty- so maybe you MIGHT want to find a man in your life once you can walk past your street! Ok thanks for writing again!! Come back for more wonderful advice!

-Shov the Health Helper-

Hi! I have a friend that enjoys mixing kool aid. is this good for her?? By the way is rowing with a broom on a fun island good excercise?? HELP! Thanks!

-Koolaid girl

Dear Koolaid Girl-

I'm sorry to hear that your friend mixes koolaid. Does that gross you out?? Sorry to burst your bubble though- it is really good! You should try it somtime! No, there is nothing wrong with doing that, because it just makes it taste better. And when the powers of the two koolaids combine they become more nutritious- just like captain planet!! About fun island, yes!! That is very good exercise! A broom is very orthopeidic on your back, and it stretches all of your arm muscles. Plus, it serves as a great moving utensil. So use brooms instead of paddles! Thanks come again!

I love to eat carrots and I have eaten them ever since I can remember. It all started when my dad told me that they would make my eye sight better. But now my eyesight is worse than anyone's I know and my skin is oddly giving off an orange tint. Is that a bad sign? I was going to go on a all vege diet, but now I am afraid I wil become multi-colored! What can I do or eat?!

-Carolina

Hello Carolina! Carrots are a rather tasty snack, but not when you eat them in massive quantities. What your dad told you is something known as a tall tale, which is not true. Carrots do NOT improve you eyesight, it is just a lie. But on the otherhand, carrots will not make your sight worse, so I would see and eyedoctor. My friend has very bad eyesight, but she isn't really fond of carrots. So that could have nothing to do with your habbit. But carrots are known to turn people's hands, or even body if you eat them THAT much an orange tint. So I recommend not eating as many carrots, and try a variety of other veges. Carrots are the only vegetable that will change your skin colors, so broaden your horizen! Thanks come back soon!

-Shov the Health Helper-